i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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