first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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