im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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