You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
