You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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