I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
