I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
