Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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