I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
