so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
