It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
