I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
