I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
