she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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