got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
