The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
