Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
