Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
