The maid of honor just puked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
