He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
