if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
