I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
