fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
