i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
