There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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