Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
