Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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