I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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