he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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