1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
