Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
