all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Couch. On fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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