I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
