i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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