I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
