Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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