There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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