I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
