I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
