I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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