proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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