I look better un-naked...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
