so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
