dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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