I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
