six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
