my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize