there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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