we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
