what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
