remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
