well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
