Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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