Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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