there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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