i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
